While there are a lot of ideas on the subject of leave and cleave in marriage, I also have my reservations about the topic and I would love to establish my reservations on the topic here.
There are several ways to cleave and bond in a marriage relationship, it could be physical, spiritual, emotional, and relationally.
To have a better overview of the subject, I will like to define certain terms.
What does it mean to leave?
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is unified with his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:23-25
The first statement explains the whole concept of leaving and cleaving. Marriage is a symbol of the oneness between Christ and his Church. Just as the Church is one body, one bone, and one flesh with Christ, so is the Husband and the Wife.
The next statement is a reason or a suggestion to back up the first statement. For oneness to be expressed, the man leaves his father and mother to be united with his wife. Why does the man have to leave?
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The man has assumed a new responsibility which is to love his wife and to also exhibit the oneness displayed by Christ to his Bride (The Church). Christ and his Bride can’t be separated, they are hinged into oneness, and there is no division or partitioning.
The Bride looks upon Christ to express the nature she sees in Him. For oneness to be expressed between a man and Wife, He has to leave behind some of his topmost priorities which are His father and mother to assume the responsibility of being one with his beloved.
To leave your parent’s house is to start afresh with the template God has given you for your home, as you learn from him, you exhibit his character in your home.
Every home has a template from God to run with, you don’t do marriage the same way everyone does it. God has a specific word for you and your marriage. Receive his instructions about your home and follow them to the latter.
To “leave” is to let go of any distraction (Family, Friends, Relationships, Emotional attachment, and every other infringement) that will prevent you from being one with your Bride.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that because you got married, you should forget about your family members and friends. I am simply telling you that the tables turned the day you chose to be a Husband, Your priorities took another turn. You must nurture, love, and care for your wife the same way you see Christ nurture his church.
She has become your priority, likewise the wife. The tables turned as well, your Husband became the top on your list after God.
If all marriages have this knowledge as their foundation, I bet that a lot of marriages won’t be chaotic as it is today. Some couples have placed their Jobs, Ministry, and Careers, over their marriages, hence the instruction to leave has been repeatedly violated.
what does it mean to cleave?
To cleave means to be joined, to be unified with something. In the concept of marriage, it means to be united and joined as one.
A lot of married folks are joined with something else, some have created a second room for the enemy to crave into your marriage.
While one partner seems to cleave to the marriage by placing their spouse as number one on their list of priorities, the other partner might have switched priorities, hence, oneness is bridged, and conflict begins.
Partners are at loggerhead with one another, this isn’t God’s idea of cleaving. Oneness is God’s idea for marriage. God hates disorderliness, hence, the reason for oneness.
To cleave means to be in oneness and bonding with your partner. Bonding physically, spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally is the best key to a successful marriage.
ways to leave and cleave in marriage
1. staying away from families
The scriptures admonish us to leave family and cleave. Why is this? oftentimes, having friends and family around can cause a bridge in oneness, your focus is changed in a bid to satisfy the needs and requirements of your loved ones, and you can step on your partner’s toe.
Also, you become dependent on each other as both parties are now stuck with one another, you do not have parents or folks to run to when little matter arises.
Additionally, privacy is also required for couples, they need time to cleave and bond with one another, having your relatives around can hamper this entire process.
Staying away from relatives to cleave makes both parties enjoy each other, you get the full support and attention of your spouse
2. Cut off past relationships to focus on your partner
And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Romans 10:8,9
Hanging around Past intimate relationships can cause a bridge of oneness in your marital relationship. you don’t want your marriage to be void of trust, and full of conflict.
Stay off a relationship that could put asunder the oneness God has designed for your marriage.
Don’t give room for third parties activities in your marriage. The idea is to leave and cleave. So leave out extra relationships.
3. Set Boundaries with other relationships
The time to leave and cleave is a state where you are naked and not ashamed, you are open to your partner, and you share ideas and thoughts.
Now, setting boundaries with other relationships with parents, and friends is pivotal to the success of your marriage.
You should know if your partner is convenient with you sharing your family issues with friends and relatives. Keep personal issues between you and your spouse.
You shouldn’t be found backbiting about your partners flaws with your friends. Marriage is all about oneness, hence the boundaries should be set.
4. Bond with your mate
Finally, on how to leave and cleave, bonding is an integral part of the cleaving process. Create room for bonding physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, and relationally.
Christ has the fullness of God in him, and he chose to share this fullness with his ‘Bride’. Partners should be willing to freely express love to their partner, the same way Christ freely gave himself for us.