Christian dating boundaries, how far is too far?
Frankly speaking, it is quite hard to not want to have sex with someone you love and you are physically attracted to.
Your emotions are high, with your hormones at the excitement level.
However, one of the fundamental Christian dating principles that guards Godly dating is abstinence from sex and its vices before marriage.
Honoring God’s design for sex is how dating God’s way is done.
What are Christian dating boundaries?
Boundaries in itself can be said to be a tagline, like where you draw the line within a relationship. It involves how much or how long you are willing to take or go within a relationship and this include your limits and off limit.
When Christian guys and girls are spoken to about boundaries, there is this picture they have in their heads.
Some might narrow the definition of boundaries down to “not having sex, no kissing and the likes” in a Godly relationship.
While the others might cone with am entirely different perspective.
Boundaries are not only tied to The sexual aspect of our Christian relationships, it covers every sphere of our lives.
Scripture says “can two work together, except they agree”.
So the whole experience of dating and coming together is to categorically check if you both share the same doctrines, perspective, mindset, and to also see the intentionality of your spouse.
While we want to make the best out of our relationships, we also do not want to spend time and energy with someone who is a time-waster.
You wouldn’t want to wake up one day to discover that the person you shared your dreams with, isn’t on the same page as you.
Basically, our primary reason for dating is marriage.
No one wants to become emotionally attached to someone who isn’t interested, which is why we need to put some Christian dating boundaries in place.
So rather than putting up some Christian dating boundaries list that has a lot of dos and don’t, I will like to share with you some areas where the Christian dating boundaries is crucial.
Christian dating boundaries
Below is a list of boundaries you should put in place in Christian dating relationships
1. Emotional boundaries.
While some may say that it’s not a big deal to be fully committed emotionally, I would say you should consider placing boundaries in this area.
This is because dating can be on the temporary scale, you guys might have reasons to separate later on, and it can also be on a permanent scale, where you both get married.
Dating relationship is more complicated in the sense that you are more than friends but less than married couples.
While you are married, it is reasonable to share everything with your partner because this is a more committed scale, but in dating, you shouldn’t be telling every details of your life to your partner. There should be boundaries.
How much is reasonable to share in a Christian dating relationship? well I wouldn’t know, because perspective differs.
What I would say is that, you should be both knitted with each other to a point that you will know whether or not you would want to stay committed to this individual forever.
It’s very important to specify that, in Godly dating, the intentions should be marriage based.
I have seen a cliche of Christian boys and girls who have been in a dating relationship for years, some don’t get married at the end of all the years spent together.
Categorically, I will say that “if you aren’t going to get married, a year or two, after courtship, there is no point dating in the first place, except in a situation where one of the partners has to complete college, or any other suitable reasons.
Be so particular about giving yourself totally to someone you aren’t sure is willing to do the same to you.
This is because, the more emotionally attached you are, the more committed and connected you become.
Personally, I just feel this emotional boundary thing has to do with knowing who your partner is, and how they deal with life situations.
2. Sexual boundaries
This is one of the most important Christian dating boundaries that should be on top of your list.
Let me give a brief analogy to this boundaries.
Here is this Christian girl with a beautiful face, a flawless skin, wrapped up in one of the most beautiful physique in the whole wide world.
On the other hand is a masculine or not so broad chested ChristIan guy, (depending on your preference) with a melanin popping/ light skinned flawless skin, and a handsome face in a Godly relationship.
Each time you meet with your spouse, your pulse races, and your hormones are at a very high excitement level, what do you do to calm down the situation, especially when you are alone.
This is where the sexual boundaries in Christian relationships come into picture.
Logically, we were designed to have and enjoy sex only within the confines of marriage.
You two are an adult with a properly functioning hormones and are physically attracted to each other, what physical boundaries should be in place?
How far is too far in Godly dating? Is kissing allowed? Why is living together before marriage a sin? Is spooning allowed?
To be able to answer these questions, you must have an overview of what a sexual experience is.
Ideally, pecking your partner on the cheek or forehead isn’t so much of a deal.
But, Kissing on the lips, spooning on the couch, can be considered a way to far in a Godly dating relationship.
I know some folks might say that the bible does not categorically specify these things, it is simply because you are not suppose to do it while dating.
Scriptures talks about fornication, sexual immorality, and the likes, and these are all a product of sexual experiences.
Is sexual arousal a sin? No. Is physical attraction a sin? No.
The big deal is if you feel ashamed to talk about it amongst your Godly friends, or its something you do and struggle with whether it’s sinful or not.
For example, if someone walks in while you having a sexual moment, you sure would feel ashamed.
In as much as, I do not want to make the laws or rules for you.
But, there should be principles guiding your relationship.
Some ladies have a high sexual libido whilst ovulating, I don’t know if the guys have some days when their sexual arousal reaches its climax, but it is wisdom for you to communicate this with your partner, so as to know what measures to take to curb the situation.
You can suggest a secret code or language that tells your partner you are off limits and would love to be excused.
3. Spiritual boundaries
Okkk, this is the backbone of any Christian relationships.
If Godly dating is what you are involved in, then your relationship with God is very important.
It is the relationship that you have with God that will help guard you on how to love, nurture, and care for your partner.
Both parties should map out a strategy.
Is there a meeting ground for prayers.
One thing you should check out in your partner is their willingness to grow in the knowledge of Christ.
It can be quite frustrating, if it’s only one partner that is making the effort for growth.
While, we have a lot of believers in church, you can’t go into an intimate relationship with all of them.
Know what you want in a man when it comes to spirituality, this shouldn’t be so difficult to do because having stayed with God, he must have given you a picture of the kind of christian man/woman to go for.
The reason why the world is the way it is, is because people find it difficult to be accountable.
In your Christian relationship, being accountable to an individual that is more matured spiritually, and marital is worth the while.
Come to think of it, you two are prolly just starting out, you need matured couples to guard you through on low they succeeded marital.
You will be amazed at what you will learn from this Christian couples.
I am not saying, you should go about sharing every details of your love life with this people, but it’s wisdom to have them guide you through our marital journey because of the lessons they have learnt beforehand.
Accountability is one of the priority to put in place if you want to set healthy Christian boundaries in your relationship.
Everything God does is intentional, your coming together is for a purpose, rather than just focusing on the relationship aspect, it is important that you focus on the purpose of your relationship as well.
Bible verses about boundaries in relationships
And when you find a friend, don’t outwear your welcome; show up at all hours and he’ll soon get fed up.
Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Colossians 4:6 NKJV
A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 NKJV
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV
Finally, we hope this post on Christian dating boundaries has been of great help to you.
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